puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
