I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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