but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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