True but thats because hes a fetus.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
