dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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