I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
