I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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