Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
