dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
