it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
