We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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