i think i have herpe
just one?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
