How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
