Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
