Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
