Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
