I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
