Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
