Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
