there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
