do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
