I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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