Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
