He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
