Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
