This is not my ceiling
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
