Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
