good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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