We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
