I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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