She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
