P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
