Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
