The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
