ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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