I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
