dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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