i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
