the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
