You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
