I'm gonna have a badass scar
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
