And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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