Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
