I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
