I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
