I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
