She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
