I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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