Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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