At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
